What's the Foreign Service like?

Many of those outside diplomatic circles ardently believe that the Foreign Service life is one of luxurious cocktail parties, bow tie cameras, and schmoozing with foreign elites.

This is, of course, totally true.

The vast majority of our time is spent lounging poolside seducing diplomat's wives in exotic languages, downing vodka with our Russian counterparts outside Red Square, and taking private jets wherever we please. It is an awesome life, and it is accurately portrayed by James Bond.

But while my colleagues and I often spend time snorkeling with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia and learning how to tango with the Argentine president, there is also the less-glamorous side of a diplomat's work.

We have embassies and consulates in nearly 200 countries and not all of them are in nice places. Some are downright shitty. Heck, even political appointees realize this: only 30 or so of our 150+ posts are headed by political appointees. The leftovers--by which I mean not-Europe or Australia--are left to the career diplomats to manage. These are the places you'll hear about on the evening news (Yemen) or they are places you've never heard of (Oagadougou).

A few informal statistics for you:

• 1:5 the odds that you'll be mugged as a FSO annually
  
• 1:5 the odds your house will be broken into annually
  
• 3 - the number of times the average FSO is evacuated from their home in their career
• 1:1 the odds you're being surveilled
  

Now, most of these break-ins and the majority of the surveillance do occur when we're poolside with Miss Venezuela, but still, having your bow tie camera stolen from the safety of your home is a tad disconcerting. More so, suffering through dengue fever, surviving coups, raising sons and daughters in the 3rd world, getting shot at, and conducting 150+ interviews a day on the visa line in sunny Ciudad Juarez is a tad taxing after a while, so please feel free to pony up and buy us a martini next time you see us because 1) we're not used to paying for drinks and 2) we work hard to serve this country. Just remember, we prefer them shaken, not stirred.